Fair's Fair - Monologue

By: Bea

Yes Evelyn I can see that you're surprised! Changed days, huh? I just figured
I'd use Joe to serve us all today – sort of surprise you girls – you know?

Not quite Mr. Macho man in that pretty apron is he?

Yes. I know EXACTLY when and why it started. He'd been acting like the Lord of
the Manor, telling me to do this – do that – just like he'd been doing since we
got married – and me falling for it. Getting all worked up when he'd be out with
the boys and come home drunk – and I THINK he was even running around on me . .
Typical macho husband!

Oh positively Shannon! He may look like a little pansy at the moment – but he
definitely is heterosexual. No question about that. None at all . .. Not what
you would call 'great' in bed – but helped to pass the time now and then.
(Giggle)

Like I said? He was running around with the boys, up to all sorts of nonsense –
even made me cry when I'd cook a nice dinner for him – and he wouldn't even
call. Come in all drunk and ignore ALL that I had done for him! Mean with
money too! Controlled all of the money too! Had all that money his parents
left him – had that silly little job where his secretary did all of his work!
Lazy? Not the word for it! Spoiled rotten! Always moaning about me doing some
nice shopping and my spending – can you IMAGINE? I'd buy something nice and
sexy – to please HIM – and he'd just bitch, bitch, bitch!

Okay! Evelyn! I can stay on the subject. It was Dolores here – yes you Dolores
with your sexy Latin husband that got me started. Yes! Remember that time I was
admiring that gorgeous diamond ring you'd just got – and you told me your
secret? How to manipulate a husband in one easy lesson? Just pretend to demean
your man's masculinity – get him to be mean to you? Then cry and sniffle a lot
about how MEAN he is to you? Maybe hold back your affection – or be cold?
Then (giggle) he'd buy you something nice to apologize?

Well, I wanted this Ruby pendant – but knew that mean old Joe here would never
go along with it – maybe it WAS a little pricey – but I figured that it might be
well worth time spent if I could get him to buying me that pendant for being
mean to me. (Yes Joe! Our drinks need freshening! Get to it!)

As I was saying? He'd come in one night. Not as late, nor as drunk as usual –
but I'd made up my mind to try – so I started nagging at him right away. Called
him all sorts of names. Have to admit that I was surprised. It was the first
time I'd ever raised my voice to him, other than complain. But he just got this
sulky look on his face – and STOOD there! Then I started calling him a pansy
and a faggot! Told him how he wasn't a REAL man in bed!

Yes Dolores – that's what I said – and he just sort of cringed. Didn't raise a
hand – not even his voice! I couldn't believe it! He started to walk away from
me – like a coward! So (she shrugs) I followed him from the hall into the
kitchen! I saw some dirty dishes sitting there that I hadn't washed yet. Told
him that if he wanted his dinner he'd better EARN it – to go and wash those
dirty dishes!

Yeah Shannon. Every word is true! I can't believe my eyes! He goes and starts
DOING the dishes immediately!

Yes Dolores! A man – MY husband – doing dishes – like a woman! No, I can't
even think of what your husband would do – but I ain't finished yet! I see this
little frilly apron there that I keep for show when we have visitors. So I pick
it up – and throw that at him. Tell him if he's a woman in bed – he may as well
look like one in the kitchen! And his eyes get this big round way and he tells
me he can't wear an apron.

What did I do Evelyn? I got to be honest. I was so confused? Almost listened to
him! But I could see that my little plan wasn't going to work and must admit
that I got a little mad! I just slapped him! Told him to stop behaving like a
nattering woman and put his apron on! I’ll swear that a few tears came into his
eyes but he put that apron on! Got all apologetic on me when I sneered at him
for not being able to tie a pretty bow at the back – ended up standing there all
shy and demure while I tied him into it!

No, I'm not kidding! I ended up making him do the dishes? THEN I made him serve
up the dinner! Even teased him by calling him 'girly' a few times. But I was
really too confused to do anything much more. Started thinking that he was
probably a lot drunker than he looked.

But the next day? He didn't say a word – just looked all shy. Yes Dolores –
he could hardly look me in the eye. So know what I did? A couple of things!
Took him gently by the hand and had him admit that he's been very naughty! Yes,
can you imagine a grown man admitting THAT? Saying he should help more about
the house! Needed aprons to do it!

I've always been a sucker for those old aprons that they had back in the fifties
– you know, like Lucy used to wear? I remembered this retro store on the
Internet – and had my little sweetie stand by me at the computer. As luck would
have it there were three aprons there. That's one of them he's wearing now!
Isn't it lovely on him?

Then? The most IMPORTANT thing! I went out and bought that Ruby pendant! When
I brought it back I could tell that he wanted to say something – but he didn't –
so I had him put it on for me! Around my neck! The little dear finally choked
when I had him say how nice I looked! But he said it – and got all red when I
kissed him and said how generous he was!

To tell the truth? I thought I'd get the little pansy to argue with me when I
made him get the place ready for you girls – but here he is now – in one of his
pretty aprons, and at our` beck and call.

What am I gonna do with him Evelyn? Haven't really figured it out. Can't see
that there IS much.

* * *
Well girls? It's been a week since you were here. See any difference in Mia?

Oh – I forgot. That's what I call my little Joe now. Joe was FAR too masculine
a name for a little sissy – don't you think? I feel that Mia is far more
suitable. More feminine – like he's getting all the time.

Oh Shannon? That all you see – that he has another nice apron on? Didn't you
see his nice makeup when he answered the door and took your coats?

Oh. Yes. I guess it was dark in the hallway. Never thought of that. But now
that he's out here in the light, you going to tell me you don't see a
difference? I know that his hair isn't that long yet – but don't you see the
difference in styling? Don't you think that a little lipstick looks good on
him?

Me? I don't remember what brought it on. Remember last time we spoke I
couldn't think what to do with him? I got to thinking about something he said a
whole bunch of times. Used to sneer at how us women made ourselves nice for our
men. Went to all that trouble to make ourselves attractive! Started to laugh
as I thought how great it would be if he started to make himself look nice for
ME! Got a little taste of what we women go through!

Don't you dare laugh Evelyn! I know that you’re a lesbian and all that stuff –
so you don't have to go through all that crap that us NORMAL women go through
for our men. We just tolerate you because we all liked you BEFORE you came out
of the closet. (Laughs). I'm talking for myself, Shannon, and Dolores – NORMAL
women who worry about our looks! Not you! Masculine thing that you are! Even
though I have to admit how attractive you are!

But Dolores? With you being an ex-beauty salon operator? Would you look at his
eyebrows? To my mind, they're all wrong. I was going to pluck them myself – but
seeing you were coming, I thought I'd get your opinion.

Oh! I can see what you're getting at! I would have done them all wrong! Would
you like to pluck them for me? Don't be silly – he won't mind, will you Mia? Oh
stop that whimpering! It won't hurt as much as that wax job you had the other
day! Don't you want to be pretty for me? (giggle)

Goodness gracious! Will you listen to those little squeals he's making! Sounds
like the noises he made when I laced him into his corset this morning!
Pretending as if he couldn't breathe! Honestly! He's such a baby! If he
doesn't behave himself? I might give him a pacifier and diapers – then put him
over my knees and give him something to really cry about! (Shakes her head)
Sometimes I feel like giving him SUCH a spanking!

(Giggles) Stop laughing you two! Ah well, I can't lie too much. It's such FUN
embarrassing the pantywaist that he is! Did I tell you that I have him in
panties and bra now? Seemed to go with his corset much better! (Giggles again)
You should see him prancing around before he puts his nightgown on at night!
But let's get the cards out and do some playing. He'll start getting a big head
if I talk about him too much!

* * *

Well? Here we are again. Didn't you girls wonder why Mia wasn't taking your
coats and handbags at the door? Well I wanted to give you all a surprise at the
same time. Mia darling? You can come OUT now!

Yes! Isn't she just the prettiest thing in her black satin maid uniform and
white apron? Pirouette for the ladies Mia! Notice the white ruffled slip – oh –
and that flounced cap! Isn't she just darling? Oh yes, I call her a 'she' now,
though I get mixed up now and then. It's SO hard to think that she was ever a
man for goodness sake! Just a few weeks – and look what has happened!

I hope that you noticed the red of her lips and how dark and sultry they are?
She cried a little bit when I had a lady come and tattoo them in permanently but
I think she she's now maybe happier that she's not wasting a lot if time in
making herself pretty with makeup – the sweet dear has SO many things to do
around the house! And of course, her ears have been pieced – but she's getting
braver by the day – just whimpered a little bit! For some reason, she started
to cry when I had her go into her office – okay, okay – she DID have her makeup
on at the time – but I let her pick fairly masculine clothes at the time. For
some reason now, her ex secretary does all the work. Reports to ME now. She
seems to find all sorts of excuses to come over here. Makes SUCH a fuss over
Mia, doesn't she dear?

But you know? I think I'm going off in a different direction now – it may even
have been a point that one of you girls brought up. Until now? I've been
introducing Mia to things that are pleasurable! I mean the satin and lace
undies – the sweet perfumes- the cosmetics and the feel of nice fabric against
an ever-so-smooth skin. Things that can make a girl feel beautiful!

But that doesn't seem fair to my darling Mia! It was okay to put her in tight
corsets for you ladies coming – but some of us girls need control like that all
the time! Now he has that pleasure! Then, I got to thinking – I put his hair
up in a few rollers at night. Now a FULL head of tight plastic rollers to help
him sleep! And (she pretends to blush) what girl is complete without her time
of month – huh? So I've introduced my sweet little maid to the joys of Tampax.
I don't think he finds that too comfortable – but that is what I'm trying to
prove, huh?

Oh – I nearly forgot! I'm human you know and DO listen to her complaints. I
could see her pluck up her courage one time. Told me how she was working seven
days a week now and never had any time off to relax! I know that I can be a
mite demanding – he – sorry she – is learning to be SO good with hair. I don't
think that he enjoys helping me get dressed for dates now – but I enjoy my sex
and – excuse me Evelyn - I'm not into the lesbian scene and he's more like a
woman than anything else now that I have him on those gels and testosterone
blockers – but I was losing track. The dear was complaining about not having
any fun! So I gave him this lovely surprise one evening! Got him SO pretty in
the retro- party dress from that Internet place – all soft and fluttery. THEN
didn't tell him that I'd invited some of his best pals and their girl friends
over for a game of cards!

He was SO embarrassed! For some reason didn't want to play with his friends –
even seemed a little put out when I played cards with them in his stead – and
sent him to join in with the girls who didn't want to play! Though I'll admit
that even there he looked strange – them being in casual clothes and him in his
formal party dress. But once I got him serving drinks and munchies he seemed to
settle back into his true self. Got SO red and blushed so prettily when his old
friends – boys and girls – teased him a little. The hysterical thing? It was
the GIRLS that patted him on the ass! He was sure they were teasing him – but
that was nonsense, they were just having a little fun!

But right now I think I've been having another idea. Don't have all the details
yet, but I think we'd better get the cards out. Your deal I think Shannon – but
now that I think of it before we start playing? If any of you girls have a
function – want a maid for the day or night? Mia would be available. Let her
out of the house for a nice change?

Shannon? Those cards are AWFUL! Call yourself a dealer?

* * *

Well – I must say that something's going on with my dear Mia, but I want to keep
it a secret for a little while. But something I've found to be a real hoot? I
always figured out that men were naturally stronger than us women – not YOU
Evelyn! But mostly. Well, I never figured Joe – Mia – to be terribly strong
with him being so slim and scrawny – but remember I told you last time that I
had him on gel and testosterone blocker? Well, it’s a real giggle – he's got
tiny little breasts now – but the real point? Mia? Show those ladies your
lovely soft white arms! Come ON now! Make them all jealous!

Yes – aren't they lovely? But I found this out by accident. Shannon? You're
the smallest, weakest, of all us girls. I'd like you to compete with Mia in
Indian Wrestling!
No Shannon – you don't have to – but know that scarf of mine you like? It'll
be yours if you win. I know that you've never beat anyone before at that – and
no, I'm NOT ordering Mia to lose. Matter of fact – if SHE wins? She can have
the full day off tomorrow! Promise!

There Shannon! Doesn't that make you feel strong? Don't forget to have me give
you that scarf before you leave. Mia? You don't need to cry! How do you think
that makes ME feel? My husband in a satin dress, crying like a girl! Honestly!
(giggle) letting a little thing like Shannon beat you so easily in a strength
contest? Ought to be ashamed of yourself!

Evelyn! Stop it! Mia doesn't need protecting! She isn't one of your girls you
know! Well, I can see that you're just putting an arm around her – but I wasn't
THAT cruel! Get the cards out. Your deal I think!

* * *
Yes. Been a while since we last met here. Isn't Mia pale? Probably the pills
she's taking in the morning – can't explain it (giggle) but she gets sick every
day now. I can't see why she keeps on complaining about taking those pills! A
little morning sickness never hurt anyone and – she absolutely HATED that Tampax
and now she doesn't have to use it any more. You would think she'd be more
grateful!

I'll admit to having a problem with her complexion. Didn't know whether to have
her glow – all radiant and lovely – or pale and wan. But it dawned on me that it
was the misery of womanhood that I was trying to get across, so the paleness won
out. I'll be nice to her later – make her positively GLOW with promise! Make it
a point to make her lovely – that's only fair after all.

I think that plumpness is SO natural. Naturally, I didn't want to put her
through nine months of pregnancy – NINE months! I was tempted, but figured that
I'd get bored so I've cut it back a lot. Right now, she's just starting to show
the baby padding I have her wear. Dresses getting too tight – that sort of
thing. But if she's nice I won't let her go through too much of that thing –
get her into nice, comfortable, maternity smocks. Maybe even cut back in her
work? But I don't know – she's becoming SO valuable around the house – a
regular treasure!

And Dolores? You had Mia as your maid for that night a few weeks ago? I meant to
ask if that husband of yours knew that one of his pretty maids used to be a guy?
Oh – I sorta wished you had told him! Just think of all the fun you could have
had? You mean that he didn't TELL you that he was patting Mia's ass? Telling
her how pretty she was? Just think of the LOOK on his face if you'd told him
he'd been trying to make out with a man? Priceless!

But cards anyone?

* * *

Hello girls! I see that Mia answered the door and let you in. As you can
probably guess, she's got too heavy to do much work – so plump and feminine - I
thought I'd give her a seat and sit in with the rest of us girls – watch us
playing cards – that sort of thing.

No. She doesn't cry much anymore. I do hear her cry at night if she has to go
onto another bedroom while I entertain a male guest – but I think she's starting
to see my dilemma – I'm just not INTO girls! She's now in the last few weeks of
pregnancy and I told her that if she behaved nicely, I'd get her back to being a
normal sized girl again. She thinks that's lovely. Don't you Mia?

Isn't that the shyest, loveliest, smile you've ever seen? You know, I know, SHE
knows she isn't really going to have a baby – but try and tell HER that! Poor
little dear! I'll just bet that she never miscalls a woman again. Isn't THAT
right Mia dear? Of COURSE you won't!

The poor dear! I used this false baby padding that fits at her front and rear.
It's a kind of plastic I think but I developed a way to add some weight? Didn't
want my darling getting TOO comfortable. Now? It won't be long – will it Mia?
I just LOVE the way she waddles around! So cute!

What am I going to do with her once she's back to being a proper girl again? I
don't really know, Shannon – to tell you the truth! But until I have time to
think? Your turn to deal Dolores!"

* * *
Well hello Mia! How lovely you look! Feeling better now that you have got rid
of your pregnancy outfit? I just BET that you do?

Now don't be bashful! Your wife felt that it wasn't fair for her to be around
you all of the time. Felt that you needed someone different! Thought that I
might be able to comfort you.

Yes. I know that the other girls call me Evelyn the lesbian! Well? Maybe that's
true! But does that mean that I can’t make you feel nice? Give you a nice warm
cuddle now and then?

I should think NOT! I've always had a soft spot for you – and I don't care who
knows it! Since you've got rid of that false pregnancy padding? I think that
your figure is lovely! Not only that? Would you mind if I gave you a kiss?

Of course there's something sexual in it! Expect me to tell a lie? I've
wondered and wondered about you for a LONG time now. Bet if you want, you can
give me a kiss that I'll never forget! Oh, you pout so prettily! Look so
sultry and sexy!

Mmmm! Wasn't wrong – was I? Now it was purely accidental of course – but I
happened to feel that you really don't have an awful lot downstairs at the
front? (Laughs gently) Absolutely gorgeous at the back! These drugs! Almost
like a woman under your skirts? Think it was the drugs – or the gel? But you
feel so lovely and smooth. May I have another kiss?

Oh? Why I am here instead of your wife? She does apologize – but has a date
that will keep her out very late tonight. Knew that I was lonely – yes – I
recently lost a girl friend – and she also felt guilty about leaving you by
yourself. Felt that we might be able to comfort each other? Asked me to come
over and see if you liked me?

Oh you do? I'm so flattered!

No! You silly little thing! Come to Evelyn!

Yes. Yes. Yes. Of course it feels all strange to you – but just turn your
sweet backside to me a little more? Just think! It may feel a little liquid and
squishy to you just now, but it feels so nice and natural to ME. In a little
while? I hope to be introducing you to more of the joys of being a girl.

Right now? Doggy style? I don't know what you mean! Oh – that?

Say 'woof' for me darling – would you? Nice and soft?